|“||If you don't like this episode, you can make like a tree and leaf! ...I'm sorry, I didn't mean that; it's been a really rough week. It's the Adventure Zone!||”|
Full transcript available here.
Our heroes attempt to reconcile with Trent the Treant; a task made difficult by the fact that one of them just cut him in half. After that, buckle up y'all, because it's ELEVATOR TIME. YEEEEAAAAHHHHHH ELEVATORS. Merle befriends a crowbar. Taako does a rope trick. Magnus holds on for dear lives.
We rejoin the trio during their battle with Trent the Treant, right during Magnus's turn. Instead of disarming, Magnus chops his butt again. Trent retaliates with his small, spiky branch, which Magnus parries, but not before taking some poison damage. Taako blinks back into existence and casts Scorching Ray ("Are you Scorching Wray?" Clint wants to know). Trent is vulnerable to fire damage, so he takes 22 damage. Taako blinks back out of existence.
Next in the order are the Vines! Whaaat? The vines that have been drenched in sap have begun to animate. The vines rear up like cobras to strike at Merle. One of them catches Merle and restrains him. Merle looks at Trent and asks him a very heartfelt question: "Why?" Merle decides to use Channel Divinity to talk to Trent. [JUSTIN: I think it would be good for the podcast if you would use this spell slot. talk to Trent. We need to hear from Trent. TRAVIS: We need to check in with Trent at this point.]
Trent is a baby, born only 30 minutes prior, and was created by The Raven to keep people from going up the stairs. He promises that if Merle gives him his butt back, he'll only kill Merle's friends. Prompted by Merle, Magnus chops Trent's butt again, dealing 8 damage, and attacks again, and hits him for 7. Merle acts surprised and super sorry (he's just a baby! a murderous baby). Trent spends his turn pleading for his life, but Taako blinks back into existence with another shot of Scorching Ray, which kills him.
Merle begins to weep and mourn the loss of Trent, while the others are confused (they don't speak Treant) and check his body for gold (spoiler: he's a baby tree and thus has none).
In the booths the trio find a locked box the size of a shoebox. Because the trio doesn't include a Rogue (though they do explore the option of a new sibling and Steven being a rogue), they sort of give up. When Griffin points this out, Magnus decides to use his wits:
- Magnus rolls for dexterity: 6
- GRIFFIN: With your dexterity check, you throw the box into the air and try to dodge it as it falls. With a six you fail.
- Magnus rolls for strength: 15
- GRIFFIN: Okay, you lift that box up. And you lift it really high, and you lifted it really fast. Super big muscles.
- Magnus rolls for constitution: 18
- GRIFFIN: Okay, you and the box both drink POISON. And you have survived but the box has died. And with that, the box pops open: there are 900 gold pieces inside.
Taako has a crisis of conscience and the party debates stealing/confiscating the gold. They eventually head toward two doors: one of them is stairs, and one of them is a Fantasy Elevator: 20 stories high and made of glass. Taako takes the stairs to the second floor while Magnus and Merle travel by Wonkavator. Taako thinks they should speed it up, and Merle wants to take the stairs and check every floor.
Between floors 11 and 12, the elevator suddenly stops and the lights blink off. The vines outside begin to squeeze the shaft and begin to pour in from the bottom floor.
Meanwhile, Merle gets a natural 20 to climb the stairs, so he's singing and taking the stairs three at a time. Wheeeee!
Taako talks to Merle on the Stone of Farspeech, telling him to meet them on the 11th floor (10-4, Good buddy!). A rope falls through the hatch in the elevator. Merle's constitution (14) has slowed him down a bit, and he's at floor 9.
Taako tries to grab the rope and doesn't do so well. Magnus shinnies up like he was born for it, and reaches down to grab Taako's arm. As he does, the vines collapse the elevator around our heroes. Magnus is holding onto Taako with only one arm.
Merle pries the doors open with Emmanuel the Crowbar, prying them open at the very last second. The very last second turns out to be a little too late, as Merle is swept into the elevator shaft by a wave of vines at his back. Merle's dexterity saving throw is enough for him to grab onto Taako's ankles. Poor Emmanuel falls to his viney death, and we leave the party with Magnus hanging from a rope, Taako hanging from his ankles, and Merle hanging from Taako's ankles. What happens next? Find out next time, on the Adventure Zone!
[GRIFFIN: You like that shit? That's audience retention.]
The Money Zone Edit
Sponsored by One Month.
Message to Maxine from Beth and Jordan: Happy birthday to the greatest sister, video game consultant, connoisseur of weird porn, and voice twin. Hope you have a great dirty thirty birthday, and this voice message from your favorite McElroys brightens your day like Taako the wizard brightens our lives.
Message to Julia from Tom: Happy One-Year Anniversary, my love. You mean the world to me and I love you so much. I can't wait for what the next year will bring with you. Here's to a lifetime of wonderful memories.
Featured NPCs Edit
Featured Locations Edit
Trent is Butt-hurt Edit
MERLE: Trent, why? TRENT: MY BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTT!!! My butt! No! My BUUUTT! [Moans] I was just born! And then my butt came off how did you do this I just got born I'm a baby! MERLE: Trent? TRENT: I'm a baby and you just cut my whole body off my butt! How? I'll kill you all! MERLE: I have a power to heal you. TRENT: I don't want to hear it, man. MERLE: Listen! Listen! TRENT: No you listen! I don't have a butt anymore because you're rolling with some genuine dicks.
Indetaako Day Edit
TAAKO: Just born, huh? TRENT: [crying] Yeah? JUSTIN: I cast Scorching Ray and say - TAAKO: Welcome to Earf.
You solved my x puzzle Edit
TAAKO: I guess we solved your baby Trent puzzle.
The 4th McElroy Sibling Edit
JUSTIN: I wish we had some rogues. TRAVIS: We need a rogue. Can we have another brother? GRIFFIN: Dad? Hey Dad? JUSTIN: Daddy- CLINT: Yeah? GRIFFIN: Dad, I've been meaning to ask you this for a long time. How about another brother or sister who can play DnD with us? Now listen, it is going to take them a while to learn the ropes. JUSTIN: He could adopt. TRAVIS: You could adopt. JUSTIN: Could you adopt Wil Wheaton? CLINT: Actually, you do have a fourth brother. GRIFFIN: Whaaaat? TRAVIS: Wait, what? GRIFFIN: Why are you telling us this now? CLINT: You just asked! You've never asked before. GRIFFIN: Can we end the call and talk about this? This seems like a bad venue for this. CLINT: No, you opened the can of worms... JUSTIN: This is what the donors paid for. CLINT: Let's talk about it. His name is John Snow, he has a job in the armed forces. GRIFFIN: Oh, I love him! He did that, "Informer, habadadagadadalada, lickee boom boom down!" CLINT: He's kind of stationed far away, and he's always asking me if he has any brothers, and I didn't acknowledge because he's a real bastard. So I've never said anything before. But maybe we can get him on the phone after the show. TRAVIS: Hey dad, just real quick: how proud of yourself were you for that joke? CLINT: Pretty proud, I've been saving it since Episode 2. GRIFFIN: Follow up question: Dad, did you get my Informer by Snow joke? JUSTIN: No way. GRIFFIN: "A licky boom boom down!" JUSTIN: Oh, now he gets it. CLINT: "Why did you licky my boom boom down?" GRIFFIN: "And I'm dead."
Extradimensional hazards Edit
MERLE: [to Taako] You know, you've been spending a lot of time in extradimensional spaces. Aren't you worried about sperm count?