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Aw dang! What a cool cuss! I think you might be doing some cussing of your own by this episode's end. It's the Adventure Zone!

—The Announcer


Synopsis Edit

Game over.

Taako makes some fashionable friends. Merle does some wordplay. Magnus remembers.

Cam has left the party, Magnus is now a mannequin, and the Tres Horny Boys are about to throw down with Edward (whose now in Magnus' body) and Lydia. But before that last bit can happen, one of the liches uses the black smog on the ceiling to form a steel beam and attempts to drop it on the boys. Luckily, the Red Robe makes himself visible to all the boys and intercepts the steel beam with two human-shaped statues, also made from the black smog, who catch it with their hands and disappear back into the black smog.

MAGNUS: Listen, uh, Taako, Merle, I know that’s a little weird, and you’re just gonna have to trust me on this one: He’s with us. I think. More or less.
GRIFFIN: He gives you a big thumbs-up.
TRAVIS: I give him a wooden, like, a salute.

Seeing this new entrant into the fight, and seeing that the steel beam failed to hit, Edward smugly laughs and says,

EDWARD: Well this fight just got a lot more interesting.

Edward reaches an arm into the air and snaps, and suddenly the cylindrical chambers that are surrounding the central platform all start to emit different-colored beams of neon light that shoot up and onto the ceiling of this massive chamber, and the outer ring of cylinders begins to rotate around the central platform, the floor of which has also turned into a checkered neon light.

WONDERLAND: ROUND THREE START Edit

Enemy's Turn!

Lydia starts floating in the air. Lydia heals Edward for 38 damage.
MERLE: Waaaaaaaaaaaiiiit a minute I thought healing didn’t work in here!
LYDIA: Oh, that’s only a one-way street, dear!

Hero's Turn!

Magnus reviews his current stats:

  • Personality trait: Is a mannequin
  • Ideals: To be a mannequin
  • Bonds: Very few, because is mannequin
  • Flaws: Splinters
  • Features and Traits: Is a literal mannequin
  • Languages: Common and Mannequin

Magnus uses his new ability to communicate with mannequins to ask if they could offer him any help in fighting Edward and Lydia. The mannequins shake their heads no and shrug. Magnus jumps onto Edward's back and attempts to get the Chance Lance away from him. He fails! Edward easily shrugs Magnus off. Magnus saves! Magnus lands on his feet and takes no damage!

Enemy's Turn!
EDWARD: Let’s see what this baby can do!
Edward uses Goading Attack on Magnus. He fails! Edward attacks Merle with Railsplitter. He succeeds! Merle takes 9 damage! Merle is unconscious...

Hero's Turn!

Taako casts Animate Objects on the mannequins. Taako commands these mannequins to attack Edward. However, these mannequins are still under the command of Lydia and must be swayed to Taako's side.
MAGNUS: Friends, mannequins. Lend—help us! My wooden brothers! Join me in this fight against your captors! Your controllers, they have used you for evil and we shall use you, we shall free you from their bonds. And after this, we’ll totally take you with us 100% guaranteed.
Five of the mannequins are convinced! Mannequin x5 tackle Edward. Three of them succeed! Edward takes 30 damage!

Merle is unconscious...

Enemy's Turn!

Lydia conjures a wrecking ball from the black smog, which swings towards the direction of Taako. The Red Robe blocks it with another wrecking ball! Lydia casts Ray of Enfeeblement. A black beam of enervating energy extends from Lydia's finger and towards Magnus. Magnus fails to save! Magnus will only deal half damage with weapon attacks that use Strength until the spell ends.

Hero's Turn!

Magnus attempts to activate the Magnetic Charge which is currently on Edward's person. He succeeds!

Pause Fight

Magnus sneaks up on Edward as he's fighting off Taako's mannequins and activates the Magnetic Charge. Every metallic item (i.e. Chance Lance, Flaming Raging Poisoning Sword of Doom, etc.) in its vicinity is suddenly flung into the crowd of mannequins.

Resume Fight

Magnus attempts to call the Chance Lance to himself. BUT WAIT!!! Edward also attempts to call the Chance Lance to himself!
GRIFFIN: Oh my god. Okay, are we gonna do a fucking, Star Wars Episode VII, like—
TRAVIS: Fuck yeah
PRESS THE A BUTTON RAPIDLY!!!

MAGNUS |||||||||| EDWARD

MAGNUS |||||||||| EDWARD

MAGNUS |||||||||| EDWARD

Magnus retrieves the Chance Lance! Edward smirks in response...

Enemy's Turn!

Edward uses the move Poetic Justice. Edward attempts to rip off one of Magnus's fucking arms! He succeeds! Magnus takes 21 damage and loses his right arm!

Pause Fight

After getting his ass kicked, Magnus recalls a memory of another time he got his ass kicked. Specifically, the memory of the time he got beat up by a couple of bullies while attempting to protect a dog.[1] And as a beaten up kid Magnus lies on the ground looking up at the sky, which also happens to have a unnatural light purple color, he realizes that there are two suns in the sky, both nearly overlapping each other right on the horizon.
GRIFFIN: And you think, “Oh that’s… that’s weird.” But then you remember, “Oh, well, it’s not weird at all,” because that’s how it is here, in your home. This world that this memory is taking place in, this is your home. This world that you’re on now, this place you’re at and have been for a while, it is not where you’re from.
Resume Fight

Hero's Turn!

Mannequin x5 attack Edward. All of them succeed! Edward takes 45 damage!

Taako breaks through Lydia's Ray of Enfeeblement and casts Protection on Magnus. Magnus is now protected from certain status effects, creatures, etc.

Merle is slightly conscious... and he sees Cam floating above him!
CAM: Hey, Crimson Wonder, were you the one that cooked up that door earlier? I got an order for ya. Can ya make me up a Healing Game?
The Red Robe nods and conjures Cam’s pedestal from The Healing Game.
GRIFFIN: Cam looks down at Merle, and then he looks up at you, Taako and Magnus, and he says,
CAM: I, uh, I thought of something heroic to do.
Cam casts Mage Hand. A spectral hand appears and slaps down on the pedestal. A beam of light shoots up from the ground beneath the pedestal and consumes Cam and the pedestal. Cam is dead...

Merle recovers 6 HP. Merle is awake! Merle uses the Ring of Grammarian to turn Divine Word into Divine Wood. Merle casts Divine Wood on Magnus. Magnus recovers 14 HP and is now imbued with divine power.

Enemy's Turn!

Lydia casts Death Bolt. A ball of darkness is hurled at Taako. Taako fails to save! Taako takes 19 damage! Taako is unconscious...

Hero's Turn!

Magnus channels the divinity imbued onto him into the Chance Lance, and he attempts to jab it into Edward's back.He succeeds! Before it even makes contact, a faint holy light emits out of the end of the Chance Lance and hits Edward for 21 damage. Edward is sent flying and he lands in-between all three of the boys.
GRIFFIN: And you hear him say, he kind of gets up on all fours and he says,
EDWARD: Huh.

Pause FIght

Edward falls back over and, almost like a cartoon dead person, his spectral Lich form rises up out of Magnus’s real body.
EDWARD: Did you really think—
Suddenly, Taako's Umbra Staff rears up in Taako's sleepy hand, turns inside out, and because Edward is a lich and is practically made out of magic, Edward is sucked into the Staff. Things go a bit differently than normal, however, as Edward is seemingly tossed around inside the Staff so forcefully that it flies out of Taako's hand and onto the floor. The Umbra Staff continues to bounce around for about ten more seconds before turning inside out again and shooting him out.
GRIFFIN: And he slides about eight feet down the runway, and then disintegrates into ash.
CLINT: Nice.
Lydia lets out a scream of rage, and she drops down beside her fallen brother and she begins to lose the clarity of her Lich shape. Eventually, she reverts back into her basic black robe form, no fancy garments whatsoever, and she picks up some of her brother's ashes in her hands, and she says,
LYDIA: I guess… I guess we still needed each other after all.
Lydia points a finger towards the entire, and she just screams. There is a flash of darkness and a deafening roar, as the party feels and sees dark, crackling energy blowing around all of you like a sandstorm. And when it passes, Lydia is gone. And sitting in another pile of ashes at the end of the runway is a small, copper bell inlaid with a diamond pattern across its body where she lay. Edward and Lydia are slain...

Victory...or is it!?

The Money Zone Edit

Featured NPCs Edit

Featured Music Edit

Featured Locations Edit

Quotes Edit

Coming Soon to a Podcast Near You Edit

JUSTIN: Man, this is about to become the Taako show starring Taako, eh? [laughter] Taako and his wooden buddy… No-Name.
CLINT: Pinocchio!
JUSTIN: Taako and his friend, Pinocchio.
CLINT: [whimsically] The little wooden boy.
JUSTIN: [laughing] And the ghost of their friend Merle. These three jokesters.

References Edit

  1. Ep. 48: The Eleventh Hour - Chapter Eight

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