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Johann was an incredibly talented and cynical bard. His main job in the Bureau of Balance was to keep the Voidfish fed with his musical masterpieces, which bummed him out because his musical talent would never be enjoyed beyond the Bureau. He was the best violinist ever.[1]

Description Edit

He is described as wearing uncharacteristically silly colorful bardic clothes, with "billowing pantaloons", a feathered cap, a violin and a fiddle strapped to his back.

History Edit

Moonlighting Edit

The boys first meet Johann when he goes down the same elevator as them as they are on their way to be inoculated. The boys ask him to play a song for them while they're waiting for their destination, so he plays them a composition which moves them to tears. This composition he plays is noted as "at least as good as Call Me Maybe". Regrettably, once they make it to the Voidfish's chambers, Johann feeds this composition to the Voidfish, which causes the non-inoculated Tres Horny Boys to forget the music they just heard.

Johann expresses regret at this, saying "there goes another great composition", and he hands the boys three vials filled with the Voidfish's water, warning them that once they drink it there's no going back. The boys suddenly remember every memory absorbed by the Voidfish after reluctantly drinking the ichor, and Johann welcomes them to the Bureau of Balance. He then explains to them the nature of the Voidfish, and his job as the one who feeds it.

Lunar Interlude II Edit

The next time the boys' see Johann is while he's being yelled at by Lucas Miller, who thinks the Bureau are relying too much on the Voidfish and wants to take it to his lab for study. Lucas soon leaves in a huff after the Voidfish interrupts his ranting by blaring a three note refrain. Johann reacts in shock as this is the first time he's ever heard it sing before, and, picking up his violin, he and the Voidfish play a duet together, almost like they're hypnotized by each other. Johann is soon broken out this daze he's in after the Voidfish turns dark and lets out a scream. The boys then give Johann the parchment full of Capt. Captain Bain's information, and he feeds it to the Voidfish. This process, alongside the knowledge that he too will be forgotten by everyone he's ever known if he also happens to beef it while working for the Bureau, existentially bums Johann out, so he leaves the boys to their own devices.

The Crystal Kingdom Edit

During Candlenights, Johann gives the boys his "mixtape", three small music boxes that play music performed by him specifically, as a Candlenights present. In return, Taako gives him a macaroon and Magnus gives him a small wooden figure carved from rosewood and made to look like Johann himself, which he claims to have created using his violin. Obviously, Johann is not happy about this, but, luckily, Magnus reveals he's just yanking his chain and presents to him the actual violin. Which he had Merle steal from his room. Before leaving, Johann tells the boys that if they happen to meet anybody down the road who's in the producing or publishing business to tell them to hit him up.

The Eleventh Hour Edit

Johann performs a cello piece he wrote during Boyland's funeral.

Lunar Interlude V Edit

Johann is playing his harp for the Voidfish when he's suddenly put in a sleeper hold by Magnus, who is currently a mannequin and needs to make sure nobody knows he's still alive. Johann is non-lethally rendered unconscious from this but a few of his harp's strings break as it drops from his hands and onto the floor. Fortunately, Magnus is able to restring it. Unfortunately, Johann wakes back up while Magnus and the Voidfish are conversing, and, in the confusion, is cut down and thrown across the room by one of The Hunger's forces. Magnus is soon also killed by these forces, and he ends up in the ethereal plane where he sees Johann's soul standing over his own body. Johann looks solemnly at Magnus and asks him:
JOHANN: Magnus. Don’t let them erase me, Magnus. Don’t let them make the world forget.

Featured Episodes Edit

Episodes featuring Johann

Fan Art Edit

Taako Tuesdays -- Johann

Trivia Edit

  • Doesn't like to be tickled.
  • Named the Voidfish.
  • The Voidfish is his best friend.
  • He gets very sarcastic when bribed.
  • He handed out his "fire" mixtapes for Candlenights.
  • He treasures his rosewood violin the most.
  • Genuinely intimidated the Tres Horny Boys with his music.
  • His birthday is on October 18th

References and Footnotes Edit

  1. http://www.maximumfun.org/adventure-zone/ep-7-moonlighting-chapter-one

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