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Magnus Burnsides

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I'll be having my body back, you undead fuck.

—Magnus, to Edward and Lydia

Magnus Hyphen Terry "The Hammer" Burnsides is a player character in The Balance Arc campaign who is puppetted by Travis McElroy. He is a human fighter who was trained in rogue skills by Carey Fangbattle during the third Lunar Interlude. He has a lawful good alignment with a history of carpentry. He once made a pretty awesome chair, impressing the entire town and becoming a folk hero. Helping with this are his roots as "common folk" and his rustic charm. Magnus is a "man of action" who believes that "thinking is for other people."

Magnus had, as of episode 56, been reduced to the body of a humanoid Mannequin, as his original body had been destroyed fully. Good thing there was a fresh new one sitting in the back room of the Fantasy Costco.

History Edit

Early Life Edit

Magnus's introduction to being a 'protector' was defending a mongrel dog from three bullies and got beaten up to protect the dog and allow it to escape. This solidified his need to defend those that are weaker than him.

The Stolen Century Edit

When going through his past memories with June, he encounters a long stretch of static in his memories. This is the time period of Magnus being part of the Red Robes.

Raven's Roost Edit

Five years before his adventure with Merle and Taako began, Magnus lead a revolt against Mad Governor Kalen. When the city of Raven's Roost had been founded, people stood behind Kalen, but Kalen saw his power as endless and become corrupt. In retaliation, Magnus gathered people together and defeated Kalen and his soldiers in battle. Unfortunately, Kalen managed to escape, and was subsequently forgotten about in the months to pass.

After the rebellion, Magnus worked in Hammer and Tongs, the pride of the Craftsman Corridor in Raven's Roost. His mentor and blacksmith/general craftsman, Steven Waxmen, had taken Magnus in after a promising apprenticeship. Magnus worked on a black oak rocking chair with a lavender polish imbued into it, that he would submit to the Continental Craftsmen Showcase that took place in Neverwinter, a ten days drive from Raven's Roost. Julia, Steven's daughter and Magnus's new bride, entered the shop, talked as they usually did, and brought Magnus out to the cart that she had prepared for him. Magnus left with his rocking chair for the showcase, after shaking Steven's hand and kissing Julia and telling her he loved her.

Two days into his travel to Neverwinter, Kalen returned to Raven's Roost, with a "If I can't have this city, no one can" mentality, and bombed the support column for the Craftsmen Corridor. 76 people were killed, including Julia and Steven. Hammer and Tong was destroyed and in the time is took Magnus to return to Raven's Roost, the town had evacuated, due to fear of a repeat attack.

As a result of his past he has no fear of death and looks forward to meeting Julia again in the afterlife.[1]

Here There Be Gerblins Edit

After Taako is knocked out by Magic Brian during a magical wizard duel in Wave Echo Cave, Magnus saves Taako's life with a healing potion, and in the process unknowingly imparts upon Taako the knowledge of the word "cheese."

Powers and Abilities Edit

  • Rustic Hospitality: Magnus is beloved by the common people, who will shield him from his enemies and give him food and shelter when needed.
  • Master Carpenter: His test to become a Master Carpenter involved building a really good chair, which he named SitBoy 1 (unless his numbering system began prior to becoming a Master Carpenter).[2]
  • Protection Fighter: While wielding a shield, can impose disadvantage on attack rolls against characters within 5 feet.
  • Vehicle Proficiency
  • Animal Proficiency
  • Ambidexterity
  • Lever proficiency
  • Severing arms proficiency

Known Physical Traits Edit

Disclaimer: The McElroys do not consider their versions of their characters any more "canon" than anyone else's - there is no obligation to stick to these in fanart, so please do not be rude to people for ignoring these traits.

Trait Episode Mentioned / Introduced
Muscular, VERY buff Frequently referred to
MAGNIFICENT sideburns Episode 1
A beard Episode 1
Has a penis Episode 20
Skin has green undertones Episode 29
Scar over eye Episode 40, possibly earlier
Auburn hair (before) / greying auburn hair (after) Episode 54
32 years old (before) / 42 (after) Episode 54
Forget all that stuff, he's a featureless mannequin now Episode 56
Nevermind, he's a pre-Wonderland human again Episode 59

Official Outfits Edit

Usually, Magnus is dressed as a typical human fighter.

Outfit Name Description Arc Used
The Bear In Ep. 23, Magnus takes on the racing persona The Bear, complete with bear mask. Petals to the Metal
Safety First Everyone, even Steven, gets a null suit to counteract the crystallization of Lucas's lab. Crystal Kingdom
A Cool Look for A Hot Summer Day In Ep. 41, the gang visits Fantasy Costco to prepare for a hot mission. Magnus picks up camouflage-print cargo shorts, but he also would like them to be enchanted so he doesn’t have to worry about sand getting all up in there, if you know what he means. At his request Garfield the Deals Warlock enchants his shorts. The Eleventh Hour
The Return of... i' Morko! (it's Elvish for Bear) In The Adventure Zone Presents: The Live Boston Stunt Spectacular, Magnus becomes Jess the Beheader's wrestling partner. His outfit includes his bear mask from the Battle Wagon Race, and a half furry suit with a breast plate. The breast plate has eleven nipples (not where you'd expect). Chaos Stadium
IPRE uniforms In Ep. 60, Magnus opts for the jacket instead of the robe. The uniforms are "crisp and bright red" with the IPRE logo on the left breast pocket. Magnus wears his with no shirt underneath. Just jacket. The Stolen Century

Deaths and Major Injuries Edit

Death Count Edit

Magnus has died a total of 32 times.

  1. While traveling through other planes as a Red Robe, Magnus died 19 times without crossing over to the Astral Plane:
    1. Killed on The Animal Kingdom by The Hunger.
    2. Killed on The Mushroom Kingdom by deadly spores.
  2. Magnus died a total of 11 times during the events of The Eleventh Hour.
  3. Magnus temporarily had his soul knocked out of his body by the Animus Bell during the events of The Suffering Game. He got better.
  4. Magnus was killed in his Mannequin body by The Hunger in Ep. 59. He got better from that too.

Items Edit

Items both currently owned and lost by Magnus throughout the show.[3]

Current Items Edit

These are items currently within Magnus's possession as of the most recent episode.

Item Episode Acquired Item Type Notes
Adventurer's Kit 1 Standard
Short Bow 1 Weapon Ranged attacks
Heavy chains 4 Tool Gathered by Magnus in the crusher room
Loafers of Striding and Springing 3 Armor/Clothing; Enchanted/Haunted Item Stolen from the dead Thardin Rockseeker; gifted to Magnus by Taako
Nude drawings of women from homeland[4] 4 Trinket Hmmmmmm...
Bracer of Balance 9 Magical Artifact On Magnus's left arm
Railsplitter 9 Weapon From Gachapon machine; can cut down any tree with a single swipe (+1 battle axe)
Phantom Fist 9 Magical Artifact Purchased for 400GP from Fantasy Costco; knocks back enemies during unarmed attacks
(Infinite) Heavy Bean 15 Magical Artifact; Food and Drink Given to Magnus by Graham, a.k.a. "Juicy Wizard."
Fletcher's Mitt 17 Magical Artifact; Armor/clothing Green cloth glove; catch arrows out of the air or avoid projectile (+1 AC against ranged non-magical attacks)[5]
Lens of Straight Creepin' 17 Tool; Magical artifact Purchased at Fantasy Costco; tracks the paths of enemies/quarry
Tankard of Potent Drink 17 Tool; Enchanted/Haunted Item Purchased at Fantasy Costco; allows user to drink a lot or sober up; Given to Paloma in "Eleventh Hour" but jumps back into Magnus' bag when the loop resets.
Steven the Fish 17 Pet and Best Friend A normal goldfish in a magical, spherical tank
Bear Mask 23 Armor/Clothing From Hurley for the Battle Wagon Race
Capt. Captain Bain's badge 27 Trinket Badge stolen from dead body
Defender's Dial 28 Armor/Clothing; Defensive item A belt with a dial in the middle containing three images: a flame, an ice cube, and a lightning bolt. Once a day, the belt will grant the wearer resistance against a certain type for 5 minutes depending on what it is set to: fire, ice, lightning.
Shield of Heroic Memories 28 Defensive Item; Enchanted/Haunted Item Remembers battles and adds +1 to AC on any subsequent battle with creatures of that type; can be lied to
The Glutton's Fork 28 Tool; Food and Drink Basically, eat any non-magical item that can fit in your mouth. Used to eat a grand relic...sort of.
Music Box 29 Gift Johann's mixtape.
Whetstone 29 Gift From Killian; personalized and shaped like a duck
Airplane Bottles of Booze 29 Gift Gift from Avi
"Caleb Cleveland, Kid Cop" Book 29 Gift Gift from Angus
Iron-on badge 29 Gift Dark blue circles, iron on; twelve circles around the outside; unreadable language in the center; comes with note that reads "For Your Eyes Only"
Cockroach Mandible 33 Weapon Taken from giant cockroach
Black Opal Mirror 35 Magical Artifact Small, perfectly circular black gemstone disk with flecks of red and green and blue color. Fell out of trash bin in the Cosmoscope room in Lucas Miller's laboratory. Resonates with The Hunger plane. Lucas let Magnus take it, saying it didn't resonate with any of the planes.
Thieves' Tools 40 Tool Given to Magnus by Carey Fangbattle after they completed their rogue training montage together
Champion's Belt 40 Defensive Item; Armor/Clothing This ornate belt is given to someone who has bested all opponents in a test of strength. Once per day, the wearer may substitute their Strength score for their Wisdom or Charisma score when making a skill check.
Featherweight Curiass 40 Weapon; Defensive Item Dark, gray feathers made of super-light, studded leather; chest armor; +3 to acrobatics, same AC as previous armor
Magnetic Charge 40 Weapon; Defensive Item Fist-sized ball that produces magnetic field that repels metal objects
Tarantula Bracelet 40 Magical Artifact Gives silent climbing action
Rapier 40 Weapon A light fencing sword available to Rogues
Health Potion x2 40 Purchased with extra pool money
Chance Lance 47 Weapon; Magical Artifact Gift of Istus; pops time bubbles, comes back when you call it
Ring of the Giant-Slayer 50 Jewelry; Enchanted/Haunted Item Copper ring; gives +1 AC and +1 attack against huge shit
Pocket Workshop 50 Enchanted/Haunted Item A pocket Woodworking shop
Grappling Hook 50 Tool Good for 1 use per day to climb something like Batman
Marionette Arm 55 Arm The first step to rebuilding the collection that was lost to the Purple Worm
Flaming Poisoning Raging Sword Of Doom 59 Weapon Summoned back to Magnus using the Sapphire Taako left for him.

Former Items Edit

These are items which were lost or given away.

Item Episode Acquired /

Episode Lost

Item Type Notes
Battle Axe 1 / 9 Weapon Sold to Fantasy Costco after acquiring Railsplitter
Shield 1 / 28 Defensive Item Sold to Fantasy Costco after purchase of Shield of Heroic Memories
Healing Potion 3 / ? Magical Artifact Used to heal Taako
Deck of Cheating Cards 5 / ? Trinket Acquired after freeing Kurtze; sold to Fantasy Costco
Stone of Far Speech 9 / 57 Tool Purchased for $200 from Fantasy Costco; fantasy walkie talkie. Two given to Taako and Merle. Destroyed by Barry Bluejeans.
Super Fuck-Up Potion 10 / 10 Magical Item Given by Robbie; drunk by Magnus on the way to Rockport
Hammerhead Uniform 22 / 22 Armor/Clothing Disguises stolen from sleeping Hammerhead gang members
Safety Harness 23 / 25ish Armor/Clothing From Hurley to Magnus
Carved figure of Johann 29 / 29 Gift Given to Johann, carved from Rosewood
Carved wooden duck 29 / 29 Gift Given to Killian
Coupon, One Free Backrub 29 / 29 Gift Given to Lucretia
Potty Chairs 29 / 29 Gift Given to Merle and Taako
Wooden Ring 40 Gift Given to Carey to give to Killian
Headlamp 44 Tool Mineshaft-only item; Ep. 44
Robot Arms Various / 49 Arms Magnus's careful collection of robot arms lost to the Purple Worm

(Magnus takes care of his things.)

Fan Art Edit

Trivia Edit

  • The posters Magnus hangs in his room in the Bureau of Balance are "a Jess the Beheader poster and a tour poster for Fantasy Dave Matthews Band."[6]
  • Magnus carries with him a knife once owned by a relative. He was once pretty confident it would come back into play in his life, but he probably doesn't remember he has it packed in his things.
  • Magnus is an only child. He is glad to have found Merle and Taako,[7] and considers Angus to be a little brother.[8]
  • Magnus does not have anxiety.[9]
  • Magnus is afraid of spiders, has "no" weaknesses, and is allergic to sulfa-based medications.[10]
  • Magnus is not asexual, but "events in his backstory have left him completely uninterested in romance."[11]
  • Magnus' favorite candy is Turkish Delights.
  • Magnus has 8 homemade "Big Dog" tee shirts.[12]
  • Magnus is a mead guy.[13]
  • Beauty and the Beast is the Disney movie that made Magnus cry the most.[14] Fantasy Seinfeld is his favorite sitcom.[15] He would love everything HGTV, including Property Brothers.[16] He would probably be a big Green Lantern fan.[17] His favorite podcast would be Can I Pet Your Dog.[18]
  • He would see getting bitten by a fantasy werewolf as a net positive.[19] Magnus thinks the Gelatinous Cube is cute and "so squishy."[20]
  • Magnus would take a fantasy bullet for Taako or Merle "in a heartbeat."[21]
  • Magnus is 1000% #TeamBigDog[22]
  • Magnus can lift 3 other members of the Bureau of Balance on a good day.[23] Despite this, he doesn't really train, he's a naturally burly boy.[24] That said, if Magnus were in the Olympics, he'd be best at "shotput, javelin, [and] weightlifting."[25]
  • Magnus names all the chairs he makes like so: "SitBoy 1, SitBoy 2, SitBoy 3," etc.[26]
  • Magnus took a potion so he would never have to maintain his facial hair. It tasted like licorice.[27]
  • Magnus gets jealous of Merle and Taako's magic "ALL THE TIME," but he's able to channel his anger into flexing, which calms him down.[28] If he could steal a magical spell, it would probably be something that would let him fly.[29]
  • Response to question "Magnus fuck, marry, kill between Taako, Merle, and Upsy?": "He'd Marry Taako and Merle. He'd kill Upsy. He wouldn't 'F' anyone. Not his style."[30]
  • Magnus would never get rid of Rail Splitter.[31]
  • Magnus doesn't have tattoos, just scars.[32]
  • If Magnus had a theme song, it would be this.[33]
  • Magnus does not comfortably give up merchandising.[34]
  • According to himself, Magnus has a "beautiful, large-dicked body." On the contrary, Clint McElroy claimed that "it looks like I've [Magnus had] been swimming" while the Trés Horny Boys had their bodies switched. Travis stated that claims that Magnus has a small penis are "uncanonical."[35]
  • In a Periscope livestream on 2/11/17, Travis stated that Magnus has taken baking lessons from Taako.[36]
  • Magnus has phantasthma, or "fantasy asthma". [37]
TRAVIS: Listen. Respect above all else, I protect those who can't protect themselves, I respect Justice. That's Magnus's deal.
CLINT: Okay, Ken doll. That's okay.
TRAVIS: Magnus has a penis!

- Ep. 20, after some vines allegedly ate Magnus's penis off

References and Footnotes Edit

  1. https://twitter.com/travismcelroy/status/767776528465850368
  2. https://twitter.com/travismcelroy/status/767785035730677760
  3. JimmyMarks
  4. Ep. 4
  5. See this fan art for the first time it was used in Ep. 17.
  6. Twitter FAQ: https://twitter.com/travismcelroy/status/767790331492532224
  7. https://twitter.com/travismcelroy/status/767787068319760384
  8. https://twitter.com/travismcelroy/status/767777838984486913
  9. https://twitter.com/travismcelroy/status/767783745407553537
  10. https://twitter.com/travismcelroy/status/767786042996953088
  11. https://twitter.com/travismcelroy/status/767784322795466752
  12. https://twitter.com/travismcelroy/status/767783139364237313
  13. https://twitter.com/travismcelroy/status/767782821935083520
  14. https://twitter.com/travismcelroy/status/767782659703599104
  15. https://twitter.com/travismcelroy/status/767781382248603649
  16. https://twitter.com/travismcelroy/status/767772860664406017
  17. https://twitter.com/travismcelroy/status/767787357424803840
  18. https://twitter.com/travismcelroy/status/767783003070267393
  19. https://twitter.com/travismcelroy/status/767789830952681472
  20. https://twitter.com/travismcelroy/status/767788291391455233
  21. https://twitter.com/travismcelroy/status/767779380034699264
  22. "Magnus is 1000% #TeamBigDog, but I want him to end up with a tiny bearded terrier like Buttercup." Travis in twitter chat: https://twitter.com/travismcelroy/status/767779061011808256
  23. https://twitter.com/travismcelroy/status/767776618513330176
  24. https://twitter.com/travismcelroy/status/767776387851808768
  25. https://twitter.com/travismcelroy/status/767775978659713024
  26. https://twitter.com/travismcelroy/status/767774920382242816
  27. https://twitter.com/travismcelroy/status/767774368801943552; https://twitter.com/travismcelroy/status/767784531013271552
  28. https://twitter.com/travismcelroy/status/767774181652070402
  29. https://twitter.com/travismcelroy/status/767786333033099265
  30. https://twitter.com/travismcelroy/status/767773684824154112
  31. https://twitter.com/travismcelroy/status/767788815696158720
  32. https://twitter.com/travismcelroy/status/767786165843988480
  33. https://twitter.com/travismcelroy/status/767786502080389120
  34. As stated in The Live Boston Stunt Spectacular.
  35. During the The Adventure Zone: MaxFunCon East Live show.
  36. https://www.periscope.tv/w/1OwxWPRAOADKQ
  37. In the last episode of The Crystal Kingdom arc.

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