Petals to the Metal is the third story arc of The Balance Arc. It follows the Tres Horny Boys as they attempt to capture the notorious criminal, The Raven, an endeavor that eventually forces them to participate in a Battle Wagon Race.

Summary Edit

Another Grand Relic in the prosperous town of Goldcliff: The Gaia Sash, which gives its owner absolute power over nature. It's in possession of a master criminal named "The Raven". You arrive on the scene of crime in progress and scale the Goldcliff Trust, which is under attack by some giant vines summoned by The Raven. Taako, after blinking into the Ethereal plane, you see two figures with white eyes seemingly spying on you.

After intercepting The Raven on the top floor, she seems somewhat peaceful and not wanting to harm any of you. She also seems kind of out of control. You're saved by Hurley, a halfling Monk Lieutenant in the Goldcliff Militia who seems to have some sort of relationship with The Raven and calls her by her true name, Sloane. The Militia Captain, Captain Captain Bane, who's also a Seeker in the Bureau of Balance on the secret level, tells you to follow up with Hurley for more information.

You learn that Hurley and Sloane were teammates in the Battle Wagon Racing League, an underground racing league in Goldcliff where racers duke it out in the desert while wearing animal masks to hide their identities from spectators. Hurley believes beating Sloane in a race would convince her that the power given to her by the Gaia Sash is not infinite and tells you to sneak into the headquarters of a rival racing gang to steal their Arcane Cores which she would use to power her battle wagon. You do so, murdering a couple of their members in the progress like Barbara, and enraging their leader. During that race you cleverly disable the wagons of your opponents including the giant Shark Tank driven by said gang leader and beat Sloane in a neck and neck finish.

It's too late, though. The Raven has been completely corrupted by the Gaia Sash. Entombed in a tower of Living Vines, and surrounded by a tornado, you crash you battle wagon into Sloane in an attempt to free her, but to no avail. She surrounds herself in Silverpoint, a poisonous barb with no known remedy, and Hurley throws the three of you to safety, jumping headfirst into the fray. You awake in the middle of the town. Sloane is holding a severely poisoned and wounded Hurley and she gives up the Gaia Sash before using it one last time turn the two women in embrace into a beautiful cherry blossom tree.

After debriefing with Captain Captain Bain, he seems to insist you drink a suspicious cocktail he's whipped up. You wisely refuse and see him taken over by a figure who seems to be a floating Red Robe. Under his command, Bane drinks his own drink and dies instantly. The figure explains that Sloane, Magic Brian, Bain, and Jenkins all fell power to a hunger for power that eventually consumes all, before he disappears.

- Griffin's summary from The "The Adventure Zone" Zone, transcribed by Reddit user MooseEatsBear.

Characters Edit

Locations Edit

Deaths Edit

Loot Edit

Long-Term Significance Edit

  • The Grand Relics breed destruction, even if they are in the hands of good people.
  • The standing orders regarding potential Red Robes changes from "bring them to us" to "escape from them immediately."

Sessions Edit

Title Air Date Link Runtime
Ep. 18: Petals to the Metal - Chapter One July 2nd, 2015 Listen 1:00:47
In this first chapter in a new Adventure Zone story, Merle, Taako and Magnus are in hot pursuit of a master criminal in the metropolitan city of Goldcliff. Can they stop The Raven before her crime spree tears the town apart? I don't know, because we haven't finished playing this part of the campaign yet. Magnus does some chopping. Taako learns to Nightcrawl. Merle has a genuinely upsetting encounter with some vines.
Ep. 19: Petals to the Metal - Chapter Two July 16th, 2015 Listen 55:22
Our heroes attempt to reconcile with Trent the Treant; a task made difficult by the fact that one of them just cut him in half. After that, buckle up y'all, because it's ELEVATOR TIME. YEEEEAAAAHHHHHH ELEVATORS. Merle befriends a crowbar. Taako does a rope trick. Magnus holds on for dear lives.
Ep. 20: Petals to the Metal - Chapter Three July 30th, 2015 Listen 56:39
In this installment, the question isn't 'Will our heroes survive,' it's, 'What's going to kill them first?' Our money's on either the elevator shaft full of sentient vines, or the godlike criminal waiting for them at the top of said shaft. Magnus has an embarrassing pants accident. Taako runs out of juice. Merle goes walking in Memphis.
Ep. 21: Petals to the Metal - Chapter Four August 13th, 2015 Listen 1:07:45
Having straight-up embarrassed themselves in their first encounter with The Raven, our heroes look for alternative methods of defeating her. Merle channels a Train God, Magnus makes a fishy deal. Taako receives some bathroom aid.
Ep. 22: Petals to the Metal - Chapter Five August 27th, 2015 Listen 1:00:44
Our heroes attempt a sneaking mission to retrieve a vital Battlewagon component, and end up doing something ghoulish that they'll have to keep secret forever. Also, a beloved character returns. Merle saves his heals. Taako grows a third eye. Magnus clefts.
Ep. 23: Petals to the Metal - Chapter Six September 10th, 2015 Listen 57:15
Can our heroes secure their hairy compatriot and their arcane objective while not killing everyone in sight? Also, can they go five whole minutes without making a dildo joke? Merle soothes some anger. Magnus sets his axe to stun. Taako reveals his spirit animal.
Ep. 24: Petals to the Metal - Chapter Seven September 24th, 2015 Listen 59:41
BWAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! That's the sound of a horn, meaning it's time for the Battlewagon Races we've been building up to for six episodes to begin. BUCKLE UP. Taako holds a coronation. Magnus leaps before looking. Merle gets a face hug.
Ep. 25: Petals to the Metal - Chapter Eight October 22th, 2015 Listen 59:33
This episode is basically a self-contained Fast and the Furious movie, if that film franchise incorporated actual arcane magicks, rather than just "movie magic." Magnus does some risky jumping. Merle takes a tumble. Taako summons a new best friend.
Ep. 26: Petals to the Metal - Chapter Nine November 5th, 2015 Listen 1:02:55
In this penultimate installment of a race that has gotten wildly, profoundly out of hand, our heroes take on a trio of automotive threats. Merle starts himself a convoy. Magnus fights a shark. Taako catches up with an old friend.
Ep. 27: Petals to the Metal - Chapter Ten November 19th, 2015 Listen 1:09:11
This is it. Our heroes are in a dead heat with The Raven, the finish line in sight. Who will emerge victorious? Who will end up with the mighty Gaia Sash? More importantly, is there any prize money for this thing? Taako does some sunbathing. Magnus gets shredded. Merle executes the weirdest brag ever.